Emotion Management - 3

Treating emotions as signs from God brings about a few questions. First of all, can you treat all emotions as signs of God? Sometimes our emotions direct us away from Him, sometimes they trigger us to obey our desires and trespass the borders of the licit. Nevertheless, in certain cases, emotions show us God's path! How to know, what to do?

“He will show you His signs, and you will recognize them” (27/93). 

“We will show them Our signs in the horizons and within themselves until it becomes clear to them that it is the truth” (41/53).

Remember, after an event, what makes you feel like "you have witnessed God" is the emotions that are triggered during that event. So, without emotions, the signs don't make sense. So, if God is going to show His signs to a people whether in the horizons or within themselves, this means emotions are at work. That is the emotions are employed by God to create the effect of "having witnessed". Then, knowingly or unknowingly, when a person blinds himself towards his emotions, he is closing the windows through which God's light shines. In this context, forgetting God and becoming ignorant of  one's self  merge.

And be not like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient. (59/19)

Furthermore, in this framework, deliberately silencing your emotions or emotions of others using various means, e.g. psychological or rhetorical, is an action that is identical with disbelief, because you are becoming blind towards God's signs and deaf towards His messages.

And those who disbelieve in God's signs and the encounter with Him -- they despair of My mercy, and there awaits them a painful chastisement. (29/23)

Now then has come unto you a clear (sign) from your Lord,- and a guide and a mercy: then who could do more wrong than one who rejects Allah's signs, and turns away therefrom? (6/157)

All this tells us that the emotions are part of our journey to God, but we haven't resolved our problem at the outset. How can we distinguish the underlying motive of our emotions? Are they Godly or are they carnal?

Let's go step by step. If your emotions are directing you towards an action that is clearly forbidden by God, this is a clear misdirection disguised in your emotions. But is this it? I mean, you need only to disregard that emotion, and go on with your life? No, stop. Of course committing an action that is forbidden by God is wrong, but your emotions may carry a message, a Godly message, that may feel otherwise at first glance!

It is possible that your emotions are pointing at the essential needs of your psyche or of your body, which must be met through the licit, but which you haven't done so for various reasons. In such a case, your body or your psyche is going to show increasingly compelling urges and emotions to meet that essential need, and as the owner of this body and soul, you are responsible to take care of their needs. If you don't, even if you manage to keep yourself from trespassing the limits of God in this world, you are clearly going to be held accountable for what you did to your body and soul. So, instead of oppressing yourself, you must decipher the embedded message of your emotions and act accordingly as soon as possible.

Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Turn in repentance to your Lord and submit to His will before you are afflicted with the torment after which you can receive no help. (39/53-54)

And those who when they commit an indecency or do injustice to their souls remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their faults-- and who forgives the faults but Allah, and (who) do not knowingly persist in what they have done. (3/135)

Along the same lines, it is also possible that you are misinterpreting your emotions due to the cultural biases and prejudices that are wrong in the face of the creation, but which survived due to the bigotry of the people (e.g. read benefits of sins). In this case, your emotions may seem like they are motivating you to do evil in your perception when, in fact, they are guiding you towards the proper path of life intended by God.

When it is said to them: "Follow what Allah has sent down." They say: "Nay! We shall follow what we found our fathers following." (Would they do that!) Even though their fathers did not understand anything nor were they guided? (2/170)

A compounded case of misdiagnosing and mistreating the emotions happens when you try to do exactly what is described above. Let's say, for some reason, you did not meet the needs of your body or psyche, i.e. material or mental needs, and your emotions directed you towards meeting them. At this point, either you fall into the hands of your urges and commit something that you would otherwise not or you treat these emotions of yours as disguised messages and try to understand and pursue those embedded messages. In both cases, you find yourself doing things that feel awkward! This feeling, let's call it an emotion of alarm, bangs to your head and you understand (!) that this was all Devil's plot against you, and you committed a sin, and you should never ever have quit the safe ground of yours, as you had done until before that action. While in this state, you become more attentive to the negative aspects of what happens around you, and you deem that "all of these adversities are signs from God for you to return". So, you take a 180 degree turn and stick your head into the same life style where you continue oppressing yourself with an intention to please God.

Before delving into the above case, let's see what the modern science says about emotions: forecasts of our brain of what is coming ahead. So, our brain is programmed to prepare us for future events in order to protect us. Now, our brain makes those forecasts based on past experiences or on learned material, including what has been ingrained in our minds culturally. Accordingly, a malformed mentality is going to prepare the grounds for the burgeoning of wrong emotions and wrong interpretations of the events due to those wrong emotions!

As you can see, you can not normally get out of this vicious cycle unless and until you take an action that truly feels awkward and you continue doing that until it doesn't anymore feel awkward, even if those around you try to turn you back. This kind of willful action necessitates firm ties with the Book of God, because you are trying to find what is truly pleasing to God and because you are intending to leave everything and everyone behind. A miscalculation in this regard means suicide! How can you be sure that what you are doing is the thing to do?

The answer: you can not be sure! The only sure thing you can be is your sincerity towards God. You trust that your Lord is going to guide you towards His ways for the sake of your sincere intentions. So, you submit to your Merciful and Wise Guide, which is the true meaning of being a Muslim, i.e. one who has submitted:

And (as for) those who strive hard for Us, We will most certainly guide them in Our ways; and Allah is most surely with the doers of good. (29/69)

An event that contains all of these was lived during the life of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh. One day, one of the companions approached the prophet complaining about himself: "I feel an urge for fornication". Although those around were appalled by the daring revelation by this person, the messenger of God, first, convinced him of the wrongness of adultery:

- Would you like this to be done to your mother?
- No!
- Know that the person you are doing adultery with is the mother of someone.
- Would you like this to be done to your sister?
- No!
- Know that the person you are doing adultery with is the sister of someone.

Having convinced this man, Muhammad pbuh places his hand on the man's chest and prays for him to recover from this state. Finally, he marries the man to a woman. Later, the man becomes one the most chaste people of his time. (Musnad Ahmad, 21708)

Isn't it normal for a man to feel an urge to satisfy his lust, especially if he is not married? I am not defending adultery nor placing the male's needs above everything else, as you may think as a person of today, but I am trying to make a point: if a person's biological, psychological or  mental needs are not met, they are going to feel an irresistible urge to satisfy those needs. And this urge, in itself, is not necessarily evil. It is a guidance to you by the Creator in order for you to establish justice in your body that is entrusted to you.

Emotion Management - 2

Feeling valued and having self-confidence are two great dynamics of the human soul, we said at the end of the last episode. And we also said, who, other than the infinitely powerful, infinitely generous and infinitely loving one, can satisfy the appetites and passions of the human soul? Nevertheless, these two dynamics are also at the heart of arrogance and rebellion against the Creator. So, the same emotions that surround our ego are both clouds of rain, bringing water of life, and are a veil depriving us of the Light of God.

Those who boast unjustly in the world, I keep them away from understanding my verses (signs) (7/146)

“Indeed, Allah is not timid to present an example - that of a mosquito or what is smaller than it. And those who have believed know that it is the truth from their Lord. But as for those who disbelieve, they say, "What did Allah intend by this as an example?" He misleads many thereby and guides many thereby. And He misleads not except the defiantly disobedient.” (2/26).

“So whoever Allah wants to guide - He expands his breast to [contain] Islam;” (6/125)

How come the same event or observation become a means of going astray for some and a means of guidance for others? The answer partly lies in the emotions that shape our vision, understanding and expectations into the future. A person without any ties to God and without any expectations of an afterlife is bound to formulate a world in their minds, where their judgment criteria are the standard of everything. And, that can lead to making God speak/act the way you desire (of course in your imagined reality).

And he entered his garden while he was unjust to himself. He said, "I do not think that this will perish - ever. And I do not think the Hour will occur. And even if I should be brought back to my Lord, I will surely find better than this as a return." (18/35-36)

The same emotions that seek self-subsistence and boundless independence go on to silence the other emotions that voice the signs of God. In simpler words, for example today, rational explanation and scientific basis are at the heart of atheist claims, because using these tools deliberately, one can silence their certain emotions (or choke, should I say!), such as awe, that evoke the innate need to feel recognized and valued by your Creator. Famously known as "the need for love and belonging" that helps us find our Ever Close Lord is silenced by the scientific explanations that are formulated and worded in godless ways. This is not to say that science is essentially against faith, but the current dominant drive is accordingly.

And We sent to no city a prophet [who was denied] except that We seized its people with poverty and hardship that they might humble themselves [to Allah]. Then We exchanged in place of the bad [condition], good, until they increased [and prospered] and said, "Our fathers [also] were touched with hardship and ease." So We seized them suddenly while they did not perceive. And if only the people of the cities had believed and feared Allah , We would have opened upon them blessings from the heaven and the earth; but they denied [the messengers], so We seized them for what they were earning." Then, did the people of the cities feel secure from Our punishment coming to them at night while they were asleep? Or did the people of the cities feel secure from Our punishment coming to them in the morning while they were at play? Then did they feel secure from the plan of Allah ? But no one feels secure from the plan of Allah except the losing people. Has it not become clear to those who inherited the earth after its [previous] people that if We willed, We could afflict them for their sins? But We seal over their hearts so they do not hear. (7/94-100)

In the above verses, the people think that the events of life have nothing to do with being a message of God, and they happen on their own according to some dynamics that need to be determined through intellectual inquiry. That is, even if they initially had a suspicion that the life events could be signs of God, they insist on not heeding those emotions and silence them. Later on with the change of conditions, they go on with their evil actions saying "I told you. It is life with ups and downs. Just bear with it and make the most of it." But they turn out to be wrong, and they are not even able to understand this, because their emotions have created blockage between them and the larger reality. So, in their small-sized and short-lived realities, they feel independent of God in any way and experience emotions due to being the masters of their world until the predetermined end comes to them.

“We will show them Our signs in the horizons and within themselves until it becomes clear to them that it is the truth” (41/53). 

And how many a sign within the heavens and earth do they pass over while they, therefrom, are turning away. (12/105)

As some emotions are fighting against others, where is "I"? What is "I" doing? Is my free will non-existent in the face of my emotions? Some people today claim that free will, just like conscience, is an illusion, and that it is an emotional entity that lives in our minds, but otherwise, it has no reality. Can this be true?

Well, I should say that the above claim can be shown to be true, but with a logical flaw in the process. First, you must understand that seeing things free of your emotions is very difficult, if not impossible. Accordingly, we don't normally stay above our emotions and choose from them. They are like the lenses of our eyes; we see through them. We don't see without them. This is similar to analyzing the body and heart separate from each other. Both a heartless-body and a bodyless-heart are dead. Furthermore, they both need each other to manifest their abilities. Free will and emotions are alike. One can not deny the existence of one in the face of the other.

Second, if you assume that free will is non-existent at the outset, and use people who are solely at the mercy of their animal desires and drives, then you can show that by conditioning the minds, i.e. the emotions, you can manipulate the actions of those people as you wish. The logical flaw in this process is that silencing of the free will does not mean its non-existence. So, for the same processes, people who are trained to exercise their free will would respond differently, and perhaps unpredictably, and this would clearly punch a hole in the presumption of the experiment. What is more, you can use this mechanism to motivate people to do good and to do evil.

Is this mind experiment merely mental, or have there been cases throughout the history that prove the analysis we made here? The answer is yes to both. There have been numerous cases where people have been manipulated based on their animal drives, and were manipulated to commit evil actions (murder, theft, rape, etc.) against their conscience, hence a case lost for the free will. There have also been many cases where people acted opposite to the expectations, and exhibited altruistic, heroic or creative actions due to their belief in God and the afterlife.

Do the Unbelievers think that My servants can take protectors besides Me?... (18/102)

are men whom neither commerce nor trafficking diverts from the remembrance of God and to perform the prayer, and to pay the alms, fearing a day when hearts and eyes shall be turned about,(24/37)

Among the Believers are men who have been true to their covenant with Allah: of them some have completed their vow (to the extreme), and some (still) wait: but they have never changed (their determination) in the least: (33/23)

Emotion Management - 1

Emotions are one of the elements that separate humans from machines. What transforms a piece of metal to a valuable memory is the emotions associated with it. What makes a human being special for us is the emotions we harbor for them. And what inspires a good lesson out of any experience is the emotions that are triggered by it. So, it is important to explore the emotions and learn to manage them, because they are part of the secret behind the fact that we are alive, conscious and are accountable for our actions.

You must have heard of time management, anger management, risk management, crisis management, perception management. How about emotion management? This is a concept that is newly emerging and gaining popularity due to its relation to how satisfied we are in anything we do or in life in general. I should say that I have a problem with this framework on emotions, because I think that emotions are not "an animal to be tamed and put into our service". Rather, I think that emotions belong to a larger picture that extends to infinity, where we are not necessarily the center of everything but where we are in relation to everything. The foremost of these relations is, of course, with our Creator, who equipped us with the emotions.

Reading through the Quran, you can come across with the situations where emotions are evident. In this first episode of "Emotion Management", we are going to start a journey through the Quran, during which we are going to see some examples and reflect upon them.

And if We give man a taste of mercy from Us and then We withdraw it from him, indeed, he is despairing and ungrateful. If after his hardship, We grant him a blessing, he grows proud and rejoicing and says, "All my hardships have gone". Except those who are patient and do good, they shall have forgiveness and a great reward. (11/9-11) 

But when He tries him and restricts his provision, he says, "My Lord has humiliated me." And as for man, when his Lord tries him and [thus] is generous to him and favors him, he says, "My Lord has honored me." (89/15-16)

Here, we see a person who, first, falls into despair due to hardship. Such despair, actually, stems from the subconscious supposition that "the good days are gone for ever". Depending on the depth and duration of the hardship, grief calls its twin-at-birth, i.e. anger. When not properly treated, grief triggers anger, which is originally aimed at destroying the cause of grief (see the story of prophet Moses in this context, 20/83-98). This is a psychological immune response for our well-being, but its uncontrolled action here is carrying its owner away from God. Remember that what exacerbates the situation is the magnitude and size of the misfortune, not in reality but, in our imagination. It is all about our expectations of the future. Just like getting angry towards your teacher, who is challenging you to improve yourself and thus destroying your comfort, is pointless, building mountains of imaginary losses when there is actually one or a few is irrational.

Our Sustainer wants us to see and stick to the reality, and He doesn't like despairing of Him. Then why did He create the link between grief and anger, which in turn creates complications on the way to Him? Yes, it is true that He created us and everything in us, but remember that He created us with a free will and with an auto-pilot. Our free will is the real us, but if we don't exercise our will in the proper way, then the auto-pilot kicks in to ensure our stability in existence. This is when the undesired results emerge. Plus, God clearly tells that He does not burden the humans with a load beyond their capacity (2/286), but sometimes the load may be more than what you are used to or greater than what you think you are capable of. In such cases, we humans may lean towards despair and rebellion as an auto-pilot reaction. Nevertheless in the long run, we are asked to take the reins of our free will and pull the stick up, as implied by the "forgiveness" mentioned in the above verses. Our merciful and compassionate God wants to see us and accompany us as we emerge from darkness to His light. And sometimes, He wants us to break the walls around us in order to open the way for other blessings.

Allah is the guardian of those who believe. He brings them out of the darkness into the light; and (as to) those who disbelieve, their guardians are the evil ones who take them out of the light into the darkness; they are the inmates of the fire, in it they shall abide. (2/257)

Returning to the above verses on human emotion in case of alternation of blessings and misfortunes, we are told that when God removes the restriction on the person, who has been hopeless and ungrateful until then, they go to the other extreme of "supposing everything will be fine for ever", a subconscious and irrational overgeneralization leading again to ungratefulness to the granter and sustainer of those blessings. So again, our Guide wants us to realize that neither the blessings nor the misfortunes occur on their own, nor are they unbounded. Everything takes place through a plan, and we are asked to trust our Supporter.

No disaster strikes upon the earth or among yourselves except that it is in a register before We bring it into being - indeed that, for Allah , is easy. (57/22)

These same notions, and more, are depicted in other verses, too, where, for example, the person goes on subconsciously thinking that they receive blessings either because they are special or because they deserved them.

So when harm afflicts a man he calls upon Us; then, when We give him a favor from Us, he says: I have been given it only by means of knowledge. Nay, it is a trial, but most of them do not know. (39/49)

The notion of deserving the blessings and honors, i.e. self confidence, is a reflection of ego, and it also exhibits itself in "the acceptance of the great trust by humans", whereby they accept being tested by the free will:

“Indeed, we offered the Trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man [undertook to] bear it. Indeed, he was unjust and ignorant.” (33/72)

Feeling valuable and having self confidence for taking risks and accepting challenges are essential dynamics for the human soul. They are also helpful for taking refuge in God and seeking His accordance and help, because who, other than the infinitely powerful One, can meet the needs of a creature that has unbounded appetites and passions!