Emotion Management - 4

We finished the last discussion by saying that you cannot be sure of the correctness of all your actions. At the same time, it is known that prophet Muhammad pbuh recommends to stay away from the suspicious and stick to the certain (Tirmidhi, 2518). Then, are we to suppress all our instincts to strictly follow those that are purely licit?

"Religion is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way." (Bukhari, 39)

"Allah intends every facility for you; He does not want to put you to difficulties." (2/185)

"God does not impose on any soul a responsibility beyond its ability." (2/286)

If you look carefully, the messenger of God makes recommendations to the believers to provide them guiding principles in a life that is becoming increasingly gray. That's why you can find hadiths that are pointing at different aspects of the same issue. In the above hadiths, he admonishes us not to force ourselves in a case where there is no clear order or prohibition from God. And this notion of conformity to the nature (which is given by God anyway) is also underlined by the verses quoted above. The unwanted extreme in this case is abusing the word of God in order to justify anything you desire:

"... then as for those in whose hearts there is perversity they follow the part of it which is allegorical, seeking to mislead and seeking to give it (their own) interpretation ..." (3/7)

Still, if you talk to religious people, many of them would suggest you to take the hard way and force yourself as much as possible, and take the easy ways only when you have no other choice. They say that, if you don't to this, you are running the risk of "acquiring your desires as your god", a state which is alluded to in the Quran (25/43). So, with a threat supported from the Quran, your fear kicks in, and you say "how hard can it be?". But not too long after that, you find yourself in the same situation that took you to oppressing yourself and banging your head on the same walls. You start questioning whether the ease of the religion is only for beginners and not for the experienced believers, whether God values the beginners more than those who have aged in belief. Your reason forces yourself to shut up and take your manners, but your soul rebels, your head gets awash with emotions, and your brain literally heats up. You want to shut your brain, if only once, to taste the ease in religion, to become a beginner loved and valued by God, despite shortcomings and mistakes. And...

And when things cool down, this time, you are drowning in feelings of guilt. At the same time, however, your thirst for your natural needs have been quenched, and the experience of not being thirsty gives you a deep satisfaction, for which your guilt heats up (benefits of sin). But again, now you know what is natural and what is artificial. Forcing yourself to follow a strictly licit path proved to be impractical, although completely rational. On the other hand, following a path mixed with question marks and taking risks turned out to be manageable, although partially rational.

Comparing the two states, in the first, when you were forcing yourself, according to your perception, your state was certainly true, and following a life that way would certainly lead to paradise in the afterlife. It is as simple as two plus two makes four. In the second state, however, because of the questionable things you have done, you know well that you are at the mercy of your Lord. But wait a second! Aren't we supposed to have this understanding of being at the mercy of our Lord anyway, instead of having confidence in our deeds?

"Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah is the most regular and constant even if it were little." (Bukhari, 6464)

"Did they then feel secure against the Plan of Allah. None feels secure from the Plan of Allah except the people who are the losers." (7/99)

Let's now put things together on the table to see the big picture. First, we cannot live blind to our emotions. They are messages from our Lord, and we must heed them to fare safely on the way of God. Life of certainty, and so devoid of emotions, is certain to lead to an unstable journey that ends God knows where. Second, if we heed our emotions, they occasionally take us to questionable actions or even push us towards certain sins. So, we need to develop an emotional immunity to travel on the questionable grounds, build brakes to avoid sins and acquire connections to recovery methods in case we sin.

Emotion Management - 1

Emotions are one of the elements that separate humans from machines. What transforms a piece of metal to a valuable memory is the emotions associated with it. What makes a human being special for us is the emotions we harbor for them. And what inspires a good lesson out of any experience is the emotions that are triggered by it. So, it is important to explore the emotions and learn to manage them, because they are part of the secret behind the fact that we are alive, conscious and are accountable for our actions.

You must have heard of time management, anger management, risk management, crisis management, perception management. How about emotion management? This is a concept that is newly emerging and gaining popularity due to its relation to how satisfied we are in anything we do or in life in general. I should say that I have a problem with this framework on emotions, because I think that emotions are not "an animal to be tamed and put into our service". Rather, I think that emotions belong to a larger picture that extends to infinity, where we are not necessarily the center of everything but where we are in relation to everything. The foremost of these relations is, of course, with our Creator, who equipped us with the emotions.

Reading through the Quran, you can come across with the situations where emotions are evident. In this first episode of "Emotion Management", we are going to start a journey through the Quran, during which we are going to see some examples and reflect upon them.

And if We give man a taste of mercy from Us and then We withdraw it from him, indeed, he is despairing and ungrateful. If after his hardship, We grant him a blessing, he grows proud and rejoicing and says, "All my hardships have gone". Except those who are patient and do good, they shall have forgiveness and a great reward. (11/9-11) 

But when He tries him and restricts his provision, he says, "My Lord has humiliated me." And as for man, when his Lord tries him and [thus] is generous to him and favors him, he says, "My Lord has honored me." (89/15-16)

Here, we see a person who, first, falls into despair due to hardship. Such despair, actually, stems from the subconscious supposition that "the good days are gone for ever". Depending on the depth and duration of the hardship, grief calls its twin-at-birth, i.e. anger. When not properly treated, grief triggers anger, which is originally aimed at destroying the cause of grief (see the story of prophet Moses in this context, 20/83-98). This is a psychological immune response for our well-being, but its uncontrolled action here is carrying its owner away from God. Remember that what exacerbates the situation is the magnitude and size of the misfortune, not in reality but, in our imagination. It is all about our expectations of the future. Just like getting angry towards your teacher, who is challenging you to improve yourself and thus destroying your comfort, is pointless, building mountains of imaginary losses when there is actually one or a few is irrational.

Our Sustainer wants us to see and stick to the reality, and He doesn't like despairing of Him. Then why did He create the link between grief and anger, which in turn creates complications on the way to Him? Yes, it is true that He created us and everything in us, but remember that He created us with a free will and with an auto-pilot. Our free will is the real us, but if we don't exercise our will in the proper way, then the auto-pilot kicks in to ensure our stability in existence. This is when the undesired results emerge. Plus, God clearly tells that He does not burden the humans with a load beyond their capacity (2/286), but sometimes the load may be more than what you are used to or greater than what you think you are capable of. In such cases, we humans may lean towards despair and rebellion as an auto-pilot reaction. Nevertheless in the long run, we are asked to take the reins of our free will and pull the stick up, as implied by the "forgiveness" mentioned in the above verses. Our merciful and compassionate God wants to see us and accompany us as we emerge from darkness to His light. And sometimes, He wants us to break the walls around us in order to open the way for other blessings.

Allah is the guardian of those who believe. He brings them out of the darkness into the light; and (as to) those who disbelieve, their guardians are the evil ones who take them out of the light into the darkness; they are the inmates of the fire, in it they shall abide. (2/257)

Returning to the above verses on human emotion in case of alternation of blessings and misfortunes, we are told that when God removes the restriction on the person, who has been hopeless and ungrateful until then, they go to the other extreme of "supposing everything will be fine for ever", a subconscious and irrational overgeneralization leading again to ungratefulness to the granter and sustainer of those blessings. So again, our Guide wants us to realize that neither the blessings nor the misfortunes occur on their own, nor are they unbounded. Everything takes place through a plan, and we are asked to trust our Supporter.

No disaster strikes upon the earth or among yourselves except that it is in a register before We bring it into being - indeed that, for Allah , is easy. (57/22)

These same notions, and more, are depicted in other verses, too, where, for example, the person goes on subconsciously thinking that they receive blessings either because they are special or because they deserved them.

So when harm afflicts a man he calls upon Us; then, when We give him a favor from Us, he says: I have been given it only by means of knowledge. Nay, it is a trial, but most of them do not know. (39/49)

The notion of deserving the blessings and honors, i.e. self confidence, is a reflection of ego, and it also exhibits itself in "the acceptance of the great trust by humans", whereby they accept being tested by the free will:

“Indeed, we offered the Trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man [undertook to] bear it. Indeed, he was unjust and ignorant.” (33/72)

Feeling valuable and having self confidence for taking risks and accepting challenges are essential dynamics for the human soul. They are also helpful for taking refuge in God and seeking His accordance and help, because who, other than the infinitely powerful One, can meet the needs of a creature that has unbounded appetites and passions!